Eating Paste
by orange crush3
Summary: A story in the point of view of the infamous Rick. Takes place after Never Gonna Give you Up.
1. Chapter 1

I am the result of a nun's misguided attempt to "find herself". For the record, she tells everybody she was raped and got pregnant, but I've met my dad, and that's what he tells me. Back in the day, she was a young nun-in-training, who everybody thought was oh-so-wholesome but really, all she wanted was an older business man to teach her the ways of love. At that point, he was the CEO of a really wealthy business company with an uptight wife and 2 young kids. When I was born, Brendan was 15 and Melody was 12.

The reason I happen to know all this is because once last year, when I became too much for her and plus, she wanted to take a pilgrimage to somewhere in the Middle East. She sent me out to see the man I was forced to call "Dad" for the next week and a half. He actually made me live in a hotel in case Brenda, his real wife, saw and knew what was going on. It was briefly that I heard the actual story of how I came about, and the shipped out to go learn about the wonderful city of Vancouver.

Now, I live with my mother, who has a very strong Polish accent from her rough Christian upbringing, and our "housekeeper", who is French and likes to talk with me about everything under the sun.

My mom thinks everybody else thinks she is this totally innocent Polish girl who worships Jesus every moment of her day but really, she is far from it. I know that she loves me, but I also know what it's like to accidentally come home early and find that my mom is actually a bisexual and having an affair with Lola, who happens to be the "housekeeper", hence the apostrophes.

I am not some naïve boy. I have grown up being driven to doctor to psychiatrist to therapist, all who have diagnosed me with things like anger management issues, but my mother always wrings her hands and pouts and says, "My son is nice boy, he is fine!" and begins to cry.

That is so faking it.

At school, I've never actually had many friends. I've never really minded either; this coming from the boy who actually ate paste under the table in kindergarten, you might not be surprised. One day in grade one I beat up a grade 3 girl, and people were really scared.

So for high school we moved across the country, away from small town Saskatchewan to Ontario. And yeah, seeing all these friends together really did intimidate me. So I basically sat in the corner during classes and watched, to my delight, what most people would call "The popular group". It was like a guilty pleasure, seeing them all smiles and giggles, all beautiful people that deserved to be on TV, or in magazines, not in my classroom for my viewing pleasure like some sick reality TV show.

And watch I did. I saw all their triumphs, errors…. I've never before wanted to stalk somebody before, but they made me want to stalk them. Golden People.

So naturally, I only wanted to somehow fight my way into their life, and fight, I did. Girls love roses. Terri was a gorgeous girl, and really, I did like her.

And I think she liked me too. I mean, I'm guessing I could've been the one, if I weren't me. If I didn't freaking SUCK at everything.

Rick Ellis, first place dick. I've gone back to eating paste under the table, I'm back to coming home way to early. I want to go to clear my mind but I've got my duties with my golden people to clear up, my first one being getting my lovely Terri back.


	2. Rick 2 point 0

Dear mom.

I hate you and I fucking hope you die.

Love always,

Rick.

Oh, I've never been one to mince words now, have I? I've never been one to keep my secrets to myself. I'd like to be the dark mysterious handsome boy in the corner, like to be the one who was so mysterious and all the girls haaaaad to see what's going on with this boy. I'd like to be him. I'd like to sit there and hear people talking about me.

Terri wouldn't even look at me and Jimmy, Marco, Paige and Hazel wouldn't either, except to glare in my general direction. I messed up. Really bad.

It would be nice to have a rewind button. Not just on TV, not just with my Golden people, god knows that would be nice to watch it all like a TV teenage drama. I'd like to rewind my life. Rewind the minute my mom made her mistake. Rewind to the minute where she would give me up for adoption, yeah, that'd be nice, see me in a normal family who give a damn of where I am.

Oh god. I want so much to hold her hand and ask her everything, even though it's barely been 36 hours and I know she wouldn't give me the time of day. But I want to know how she is, if she's dumped that incompetent piece of shit Jimmy yet, if she'll ever forgive me. I am a lost and lonely boy and I want her to hold me and tell me I'm better than Jimmy, better than anybody else she'll ever meet and if she forgives me I'll kiss her once for every second I made her hurt inside.

I am not some naïve boy like she thinks I am. She introduced me one by one as I laughed inside, scoffing at the fact that I might not know any of their names or favourite colours or what classes they take in this term. She has exactly 4 pairs of shoes, and although I am more partial to her red ones she normally wears white running shoes. Paige takes, on average, six minutes and 42 seconds to check her hair and makeup in the girls' room with Hazel and Terri.

My watch has 6 alarms set. One in the morning, so I get up. One to walk to start walking to school. One to change classes, one when I should finish lunch, one when I can start getting ready to go. And one at 7, to tell me it's OK to call Terri. One at night, to tell me when she's asleep, to remind me to stay in my room for the night in case of seeing my mom.

To remind me I'm alive.

[] – [] _Here's a biiiig hug for RelientKroxmysox721, Kitty Kat (may I add that I have you on my author alerts too? And love getting those __botff.net__ emails? Haha write more soon or I shall resort to physical harm), x Confused Girl x (you get an extra hug and 20 gold stars, cause you're nice), punk anjewl, TwentyFirstCenturyHippieChick (who also gets a cookie cause she sees the really stalker-stalker-stalker side to my darling rick and plus her name is cool), and be1101 (I promise I will read some of your stuff, tomorrow, when I am awake.) And not to sound like a total self-promoter, which I am: This is my new baby, I love getting reviews for this and another story about Ellie which I'm currently writing, called Yours Truly, Ellie Nash. So just if you ever have any spare time (try 12 chapters with 11247 words) read a bit. Actually reading and REVIEWING any of my stuff is good. Hugs for you cause you're the best, plus I'm having insomnia and am a bit hyper. _


	3. I am God

I am. Because I think, I am. I am the one who can make rain go away and make the sun come out, because I think that I can. I can open my mind and shut my mouth, and be all powerful because I am God. He is nothing in my mind, and everybody looks up at me like they should.

Someday, everybody is going to look back in our yearbooks, with our grade ten innocent grins, the girls all made up and the guys with their hair "stylishly" messed up, and we are going to laugh. We will look at the all the blonde girls and think, wow, she is beautiful. We will look at all the freaks with pink hair and think, oh man, I bet she's nowhere. We will look at all the girls with dyed black hair and wonder if they've killed themselves yet.

And they will look and wonder what happened to Rick. He will be, someday, someone they will all look up to because I will be the Prime Minister. I will be God. I will be a movie star. I will be an icon.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and see somebody else. I am almost sure I am seeing things and having hallucinations, but probably I am seeing me, in the future.

I am going to have four kids, a dog, and a cat. We will live in a 2-story house with a white picket fence and pool in the backyard, and the kitchen will always smell like fresh baking. It will be so typical. My wife will be Terri, and we will always be in love forever.

There won't be a housekeeper, because I've had enough traumas with those to last me a lifetime.

She smiled at me today; Terri, not Lola. More of a half-smile, I said Hi to her. And Jimmy flipped the bird at me after I did, and I know he was off to tell her not to get to know me any more, but she is grown up, come on, Jimmy. She knows what she is doing.

After all, I was the one who is dating her, not Jimmy.

But on the other hand, I was the one who lost control. Here is my goal- to learn control, then go out with Terri. I will.

Or get her to forgive me. I've been avoiding them all lately except for Terri, not a difficult task seeing as I know them. I know her better than she thinks she does and I am going to get her back. I am.


	4. Forget everything

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Quick thanks to: TwentyFirstCenturyHippieChick, RelientKroxmysox721, Kitty Kat, Darkspell, keeponwritin, and PsYcHoJo. Thanks darlings for reviewing, I love you…

Here's the quick scoop- everybody's upset. I'm fine. But when have I felt angry because of the right reason? Anyway, it's all around the school, the whole Craig thing. I don't care. I can't care.

All the pressure and the whole "I feel sooo bad for you, darling!" has moved to Ashley, though, which is a good thing. Craig's the villain, not me. I'll try and get myself back in. Or not hated.

Why me? Why should I have to cry and beg and pray at their feet to get into their circle? What am I doing? Why? It's not fair. I put themn up on a pedestal and admire them and their easy interaction, getting along and caring and loving and being friends. You have no faith. I have no faith. Trying for everything to come back to normal.

I wish it had never happened. I wish I was still back at Terri's house, sitting with her and her dad eating hamburgers and laughing and talking, drinking warm cokes and telling jokes and stories and playing jazz music as loud as the speakers would allow. That's nice. That's fun. Going to the basketball game, watching Paige and Hazel cheer on Jimmy and sitting beside Terri.

Go on, take everything I've ever loved away from me, Jimmy, cause I'm not going to be God. I'm not going to be married and I'm not going to live in a nice house with a dog and a cat. Forget everything, you'll screw it up eventually. She'll never love you. He'll never feel respect for you. Sometimes you like a good thing and then you take more. You mess up. You can't juggle things. Everybody will know about everything crappy you've ever done.

Just forget about it, nobody cares. I can't.


	5. my family

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Here's a big thanks to anybody that's read this and reviewed this, and an apology to everybody for this taking so loooonng!

Anyway. On to chapter five. I had almost lost this story because I'm stupid, and couldn't think of any ideas. However, this chapter is purely a chapter where I sat and stared at the screen, empty white spaces in microsoft word. Anyway. Here it goes.

[] 1 []

I remember a night, a long time ago. It must have been at least 4 years ago, probably more, because I couldn't have been older than 4th grade. Anyways, the usual routine was that while my mom was at work or whatever she did, Lola would come pick me up walk me home from school and I would do my homework, and get exactly one hour of TV time, and on Tuesdays be walked to piano. She would make frozen dinners, rising crust pizzas or order something in.

But it was one day, and my mom had come to pick me up. Most of the other kids' parents came to pick them up, and I was totally jealous all the time when moms' and dads' big red vans came to pick them up.

And we walked home, and she told me how Lola was sick. I told her about my day, and she told me about mine, and she made me pasta the old fashioned way, not just microwaved.

That sort of thing never happened again.

I'd like to say I've had a deprived childhood and I've been neglected and all that sort of fancy stuff, but in all essence, I was probably a miserable kid to hang around with. I'm sort of the anti-social type, and I've never really had many friends.

I think that's one of the reasons I like Terri so much. I like the feeling that I am somebody, and I can be loved and held and I can fit in somewhere. I liked the way her dad cooked for her and was a real father. That was nice. That was a real family.

I so badly want to have a real family, be a real boy. I want to hug Terri, ask her for forgiveness, buy her a dozen roses a day because anything I am by myself I'm a hundred times better around her.

She is the kind of girl who would be willing to save someone like me.


End file.
